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That would simply be a living hell; better to put an end to it. I would have lost all respect for him as a man, once his 'masculinity' was revealed as nothing but an an illusion. And the fact that I had ever 'submitted' to him would seem shameful and contemptible to me. (Indeed, it's one of the very few ways in which I can imagine feeling totally shamed; even though it was a totally innocent mistake on my part. Even if I were raped in a sewer by a diseased psychopathic monster, I would not be ashamed the way I would be if I found out the man I had submitted myself to turned out to be a switch.) If you cannot understand this reaction on my part, then I suggest that you don't quite appreciate the extreme vulnerability that is brought about in the psyche of a woman who deeply surrenders herself to a dominant man. Quote: "And maybe he wouldn't be too happy, knowing how you feel about the weaklings who switch, to have to tell you that now he is among their number. So now he's going to have to throw a whole marriage over, hurt the children, ruin both of you financially, because he felt like getting his ass slapped?" Well, it certainly does sound pretty terrible; I think we're agreed on that. But the difference is that you seem to feel that my inevitable reaction to the situation might justify him lying to me. Again, I disagree thoroughly. I can understand why he would not want to tell me he's a switch, especially if he loves me, and we have built a life together, etc. But the fact that he does not want to be honest with me is still no excuse for lying. If lying were justified any time somebody wanted to avoid the consequences that honesty would entail - then lying would be justified all the time. That's why people lie, because they don't want to face the consequences. And the difference between honest people and liars is that the former realize that their integrity (and hence the obligation to be honest) overrides their desire to avoid unhappy consequences. Even if there are children and mortagages involved, one must be honest with one's spouse. Once the truth has come out, various options can be discussed and evaluated in light of both partners' priorities. Those options might include everything from divorce, to staying together in a sham marriage (for the childrens' sake), to an open marriage wherein the spouses remain close friends but are now free to seek romantic involvements elsewhere. So, yes - it's a catastrophe of major proportions. But catastrophes can and do happen for many reasons, and many or most marriages end for reasons far more trivial than this scenario of profound sexual incompatibility. And until the issue is discussed honestly and openly, neither party is going to be able to move on, and resume living an authentic life.
